Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
