He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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