Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just forgot I was standing up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
