pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
