why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
