If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
