I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
