Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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