Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
