idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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