one two three fourrrrnication!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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