Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
