Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
