i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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