i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
