her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
