hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
