Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You may now shotgun with the bride
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
