dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
