addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
