Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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