she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
