Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
