i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
