actually, I'm a sock model
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
