Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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