i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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