We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
