community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
