happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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