we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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