Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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