Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just blew my weed a kiss
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
