he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize