So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
