wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
