You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
