so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
