Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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