Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
