I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
