I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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