i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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