I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
