i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
