gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
