the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
