I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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