I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
