I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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