i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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