for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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