so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
