i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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