States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
