3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm like, not good at living.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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