After last night, I could never be a politician.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
