It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
