Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
