I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
