You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
