I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
