I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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