Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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