k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
