haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
