the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
