you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
