apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Four minutes until I can fart!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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