Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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