if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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