I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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