plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
