I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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