Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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