anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
tell me about the fingering
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
