ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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