you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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