Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I enjoy the company of your penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
