just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
