Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
