he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize