11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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