That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
