i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
