Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
