just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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