I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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