Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
