My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize