Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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