just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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