I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
