Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
