You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize