I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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