so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
