I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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