can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
