ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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