If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
